Windfall- Goat Chasing Report #1

This is one of those stories that requires maybe too much context, but it needs to be here.

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Dramatis Personae:

My First Ex-Wife (*She*)
***

I had spent the weekend trying to figure out whether or not I like my new phone. It was red and shny, which meant it was fun, and fast. I was able to adapt the screen to make it a high-contrast white-on-black. I had put in most of the old numbers from the church directory, and had to make some phone calls and send some e-mails during the week to get folks to call me the the rest I'd need. Monday morning I was experimenting with the alarm, but so far had not been able to get it to shut off- it kept sounding out every five minutes, and I couldn't get it to do it quietly, much less stop altogether.

Which is where I found myself while eating breakfast at the cafe next door to my apartment. At just about seven o'clock, French Horns and Kettle Drums rang out from my back pocket inbetween cups of coffee. The sun had just come up over the hotel accros the street, and I couldn't read the screen to see it. So, unwittingly, I opened the phone to try to silence the symphony.

I had a call.

A voice I don't talk to hardly ever was on the other end. I was going to have to figure out this caller ID thing.

"It's me (*She* said). I need a favor, and there's money in it for you."

Some days just start like that.

*She* has a trust fund worth over $3 milling dollars. You would think that that would have kept us out of debt while we were together, but no. The credit cards were all in my name with her as a cosigner. I was the revolving fund that was paid off at intervals as the trust dispersed cash munthly and quarterly to bring us into the black.

As I've said many times, in Life, like in all great Comedy, Timing is everything. Well I was dancing to a 2:3 beat when I got my 3:4 divorce. I walked off that dance floor with the core of what would become my debt burden. In addition, even though the court ordered that *She* assume all debts related to the home we owned, somehow my name got off the Title, but not the mortgage. The end result was a discrepency in my credit score that assumes an additional $1,000 of expenses per month (the mortgage) than I have been carrying, making it impossible for me to consolidate or borrow.

You would think I would have dealt with this five years ago. Fact is, I have. But every time dealing occurred, I would have to wait on *She* to fill out forms, sign papers, or even agree to talk to me.

Believe it on not, I had better things to do than sue my ex-wife.

So I kept probing patiently. Nothing new had transpired in several months with the exception that she threatened to sue me because she got a flyer in the mail addressed to me from the Mortgage company that said I qualified for a home-equity loan. That would have simplified my life, and the irony would have been sweet, but it wasn't my style and I just let the whoe thing blow over till she calmed down.

So there I am, sipping coffee on a Monday morning, when I hear:

"It's me (*She* said). I need a favor, and there's money in it for you."

Now this Troll has a Goat to chase. I swallowed my coffee.

"Go on..."

"I've been overpaying my homeowner's insurance, I guess, they sent me a check. But I can't cash it. Your name's on it too. I'll give you $500 to show up to the bank and sign the check with me."

Free Money

"Okay."

I told her when I was free, and we made arrangements to meet at 4:00 on Wednesday, if the bank was open. She agreed to check on that and call me later.

On Wednesday I got a message around 2:00 that said the bank was open. I called to confirm that with the bank (I'll admit, I didn't trust her information, I'd been sent on wild goose chases before for her) and made arrangments to get to the bank. I got called into a last-minute meeting and got a message off the *She* to make sure she could show up at 4:15. We were set.

My meeting was cut short and I got there by five after. *She* called at 4:20 to tell me she hadn't left the house yet, and once again I was left waiting for her. *She* arrived twenty minutes later.

It went well, and it was done. I hadn't seen her since she'd OD'd two years ago. She wasn't looking any better. I suppose it's good that I saw her before I've left. *She*'s heard that I'm leaving, but after seeing her, I don't think *She* knows it.

This chapter may seem anti-climactic, but it's still vaguely significant.

Gargh =:]